Why Mentor?

I have dealt with this subject before, but it does bear repeating:

I am sure that we have all wondered about the appropriateness of telling someone to ‘do as I say’ and then setting a bad example for them.  This got me thinking about the concept of mentorship, especially as we apply it in Toastmasters.

A quick look at Wikipedia led me to discover the following, which I have adapted a bit:

In Greek mythology, Mentor was a friend of Odysseus (whom we also know as Ulysses) who was placed in charge of Odysseus’s, son Telemachus, and of his palace, when he left to fight in the Trojan War.

The goddess, Athena visited Telemachus taking on the disguise of Mentor.  As Mentor, she encouraged Telemachus to stand up against the suitors who were after his mother and to go abroad to find out what had happened to his father.

Because of Mentor's relationship with Telemachus, and Athena's encouragement and practical plans for dealing with personal dilemmas, the term Mentor has been adopted in English as meaning someone who imparts wisdom shares knowledge with a less experienced colleague.

                                                                                                                        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentor

A further bit of surfing on the Net gave me the following, in terms of the purpose of mentoring:

"Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximize their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be."                             Eric Parsloe, The Oxford School of Coaching & Mentoring

Both the historical background to the word, mentor, and its purpose as defined above, tie in well with what Toastmasters had in mind when they developed the mentorship programme. It all starts with visitors to the club. They are potential members who should be encouraged by existing members to understand what is going on. Why are speeches timed? What is an Um and Ah counter? What is the purpose of Table Topics?

It all seems easy once you have been part of Toastmasters for a while, but for someone who has decided to join up there are still so many things to learn. The CC and CL manuals are given to members when they start, but working their way through them needs explanation. Then there are the various meeting duties which they might be expected to perform. They might even be asked to stand for a position on the club executive. It’s all very daunting and I know that more than one member has been lost to a club where mentoring was not taken seriously. In fact, from having chatted to one or two new members, I found that they had been assigned mentors when they joined, but didn’t really know what to do with that knowledge, as the mentor assigned to them had not once bothered to make contact with them.

You might be asking,” who really benefits from a mentoring relationship?” The answer is simple – everyone.

New members benefit by:

·         Understanding the club programme format and its customs

·         Developing confidence as they participate in club activities and work on their CL manuals

·         Learning speaking skills to advance through their CC manuals

Older members can also benefit by:

·         Refining their skills

·         Mentoring in specialized areas

Mentors benefit by:

·         Keeping their skills honed

·         Earning the respect of their mentees

·         Learning skills from those they mentor

The club benefits by:

·         Having happy members

·         Retaining members – and growing the club

It sounds like a good idea all round! 

However, to coin a clichéd phrase, ‘a chain is only as strong as its weakest link’.  Club executives cannot think that they have done their duties once they have assigned mentors to each new member. There has to be follow-up to see whether the relationship is working.  Then, with regard to the parties in the mentoring pair: whose responsibility is it to keep in touch? Initially, it makes sense for the mentor to establish contact and to ‘befriend’ the mentee. Thereafter, the mentee should have the freedom to pose questions to the mentor or to ask for help with the development and presentation of speeches, or with the roles that they have to play in club meetings. If the mentee does not seek help, the mentor should periodically enquire whether there is any area where he/she can render assistance.

I like the biological term ‘symbiotic relationship’, which in essence means a relationship between two entities which is mutually beneficial for the participants. It’s a win-win situation as long as each party does what is expected of him.

When it comes to a mentoring programme at club level, everyone involved stands to benefit. If our purpose is to ensure happy members who are growing as speakers and in self-confidence, this will ensure continued club growth – which, in turn will lead to the broader goals of Toastmasters being met. 

We just can’t lose.  So, let’s give it a real try, shall we?

 

Until next time

 

Ricky Woods

I think I can

Do you remember the little engine that could?  He worked in a railway yard shunting small stock about. One day an enormous train asked one of the big engines to pull it over the hill and down the other side, but it refused saying that it would be far too difficult. It was met with the same excuses by all the other engines until; in desperation it approached the little engine. 

“I think I can,” the little engine responded as it hitched itself to the train. Then, pulling very hard, it kept saying, ”I think I can; I think I can: I - think – I – can” as it pulled the train slowly to the top of the hill and then, in excitement, “I thought I could; I thought I could….!” speeding up over the other side.

Obviously, there is a wonderful lesson for us to learn from the determination of the little engine that did not see the enormity of pulling the train as an impossible task, but rather allowed his fortitude and strength of mind to view the task as one that was difficult but still possible.

However, in recounting the way this story was told to me when I was a child, I thought that it was a wonderful example of how vocal variety adds meaning to a speech when it is used effectively. For any speaker to use your voice to best effect, you must find a balance between the extremes of the following elements: Volume, Pitch, Rate and Quality. Allow me to elaborate:

Volume: Clearly, the size of the venue where you are speaking is a determining factor in how loudly you should speak. There is nothing more irritating than not being able to hear a speaker (although good use of stage whispers can be most effective). However, meaning can be determined or changed through placing emphasis on different words in a sentence. Look at the following statement, for example:

Her grandmother died yesterday.  By changing the emphasis so that it falls on a different word each time you say the sentence, the intended meaning can be vastly changed.

Pitch: This refers to how high or low a sound is.  Our voices, just like musical instruments, vary in pitch. Shrill, high-pitched sounds can be irritating, while warm, low tones instil confidence in an audience. A case in point: Margaret Thatcher, when she was Prime Minister of England, went for vocal coaching to lower the pitch of her voice. (Small wonder then that she became known as the Iron Lady!) Effective speakers adapt the pitch of their voices to the material in their speeches.  Look at the sentence above again and gauge the different emotional content that can be conveyed by changing the pitch of your voice when you say it.

Rate refers to the number of words you say in a minute. This will have a definite effect on how your audience responds to you. Too fast means they can’t keep up with you and too slow means they will lose interest in what you have to say. The most effective speaking rate is approximately 120 – 150 words per minute, which is fast enough to remain interesting while still allowing your audience to digest what you have to say.  Remember the little engine? It is vital to slow down vocally to show him struggling up the hill and just as important to speed up when he speeds down the other side.

Finally, we come to quality. A good speaking voice is pleasant and sounds friendly; it is natural, conveying sincerity; forceful – which means strong and vital, rather than loud; and it can be heard, because the speaker enunciates properly and controls his breathing.  If you listen to yourself on tape and hear a voice that is thin, breathy or nasal, you should work on your breathing and try some relaxation techniques to eliminate the tension in your voice.

Silence and pause are vital aspects of a good speech. It is not necessary that every moment be filled with sound. Judicious use of pause or silence can be used to draw attention to specific points, or to lay emphasis on them. You also sound far more intelligent if you use pause instead of an ‘um’ or an ‘ah’ when you hesitate!

Rehearsal is paramount, of course. Once you have written your speech; record it. Then work with it by adding notes for yourself on how to add value by varying the volume, pitch, rate and quality until you are conveying the exact meaning to your audience that you intended.

Soon, like the little engine, you might also be heard saying excitedly, ”I thought I could; I thought I could!”

Until next time

Ricky Woods

Let Your Body Do The Talking

Some time back I, like a number of my Algoa compatriots, decided to start the Competent Communicator manual again. 

I decided this time to try to turn each of the manual speeches into an educational so that I was not only doing the speech, but also using it as a way to teach some of the skills I had learned to others in the club. What follows contains some of what I learned along the way.

I am sure you are all aware of the research that has been done about how communicators convey their message:

• Only about 7% of the meaning of a spoken message is conveyed via the actual words 

• 38 % of the meaning of that message is conveyed via one’s tone of voice; and

• 55% of the total meaning is conveyed via body language.

Add to those statistics the saying that one never gets a second chance to make a first impression and you will realise just how important body language is.

The way we dress and the way we stand (our posture) are all part of our body language and will inform the opinions people make of us.  I am sure you have heard the phrase dressed for success, so I want to spend just a moment on that topic.

Men; dress for the occasion in a dark suit – or at least in a jacket and tie. Neutral, dark colours are good with a contrasting tie – but not a comic one. Ladies: don’t draw attention to yourself by wearing outrageous styles, like too-high shoes or too-short skirts. Avoid wearing jewellery that rattles or blings. 

Sloppy, casual wear sends out the message that you don’t care enough for your audience to have dressed properly. Ultimately, you do not want your audience to lose your message while they are staring at your outfit.

One is often nervous to stand in front of an audience. That is not a problem, as long as your nervousness is not evident and you are able to project confidence.

Firstly, be aware of the tell-tale signs of nervousness, like hands clasped in front of you; in the fig leaf or reversed fig leaf position. Other signs include: grabbing hold of the lectern, standing with your legs crossed or playing repetitively with your hair, jewellery, coins or keys in a pocket; or clicking a pen.

Show confidence in the following ways:

•           Stand squarely with your feet slightly apart and pointing forward

•           Breathe from your abdomen – not your throat

•           Smile – you will win your audience over

•           Make eye contact with the whole room – if that is possible

•           Use open gestures –not tight ones close to your body; otherwise, allow them to rest naturally at your sides.

Even if you don’t feel confident initially, by using a confident stance you will soon relax into your presentation – and before you know if, the nervousness will actually have gone.

 

Movement is something natural and usually enhances a presentation as long as that movement is not distracting. Watch out for repetitive pacing, rocking or rising to the balls of your feet.

What is important is to let your body mirror your feelings and the content of your speech. Most gestures are spontaneous, but there are times when you will want to add emphasis to what you are saying. Look at three such areas:

Symbolic Gestures communicate words, numbers, or position.

•           A raised hand signals for a stop

•           A thumbs-up showing you agree

•           Three fingers for the number three

•           Pointing to show a position – up, down, behind, beside

 

Descriptive Gestures communicate an idea or movement.

•           Spreading hands apart to show length

•           Using hands to show a shape.

•           Swaying hands to show a flow of movement.

Emotional Gestures suggest feelings.

•           A clenched fist to show anger. It is hostile and threatening.  It could also convey the sense you are hiding something.

•           Hands clasped to show pleading.

•           Using a pointed finger.  This makes you look accusatory, even if that wasn't your intent.

Your face is your most obvious means of communicating the emotion of your message and your audience will read meaning in your expressions. Ensure that they enhance what you are saying. You can’t tell about witnessing a horrific fire with many casualties while you have a smile on your face – your audience will be confused and you will come across as insincere.

Ultimately, we are all in the business of reading body language, whether we are aware of it or not. We make snap judgements about people the very first time we see them, even if we have not heard them speak – this is because of the way they dress and the impression they make on us when we first become aware of them.

As effective communicators we need to make use of what we know about body language to sell ourselves to our audience as confident experts in our field.

This past weekend saw a gathering of our Division in Grahamstown for WinterCon and I am sure Glenis Whitehead will be telling us all more about it in her newsletter.  I want to remind you all about the Club Humorous and Impromptu Speech Contest on 27 August.  Mike Brosnahan, who will be the Contest Chairman, will be in touch with you all soon with details.  Please consider competing; it is a wonderful experience.

Until next time

Ricky Woods

It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle

Last night was the first meeting of a new Toastmasters year.  It has also been a year since I started writing this blog and so, as is the habit of this creature called man (or woman), I reflected upon the year that has past and upon new beginnings.

What is it that makes us want to draw a metaphorical line in the sand and say, “This is it; this is the start of something new”?  Whether that something new entails a renewed enthusiasm for life; or for honouring the commitments we have made in the past, but to which we have paid scant notice, it is all the same. I suppose if we didn’t, we might find ourselves despairing that change is impossible and that we are forced to keep on committing the same foolish errors forever.

 

In any event, the closing of one door leads inevitably to the opening of another.  We find ourselves

taking stock of our lives; setting new goals and aiming for a better year to come. It is my wish for all of you that a year from now you will look back having realised all of your dreams.

I want to commend two people from our club especially.  The first is a new member (not to Toastmasters, but to Algoa) who did her CC1 Ice-breaker last night. Megan Judd already has an ACG award, but she has set herself the goal of starting afresh in a new club. This is not an easy thing to do because, although the requirements for a CC1 are not stringent by any means, we all know that so much more is expected of someone who is doing it for the second time. Well done, Megan!

The second person is our Area Governor, Colleen Love. Colleen joined Toastmasters in 2006 through a Speechcraft Course. She was painfully shy at the time and really worked hard to overcome this, finally earning her CC award.  Subsequently, she has served on the club Executive; then as President and she is currently fulfilling the role of Area Governor – for the second time. However, getting involved in the running of a club and its affairs does not leave much time for personal development. Colleen did the first speech last night from the Speaking to Inform Manual – it was her first project speech in three years! Some initial nerves were soon overcome and she proved the truth of the expression ‘it’s just like riding a bicycle’. Congratulations, Colleen!

I was privileged to spend the past ten days in Grahamstown at the National Festival of the Arts where, amongst other performances, I watched my two sons deliver comedic performances of a very different nature. Rhys, my younger son, is a rock star in the making who is also the King of ad lib. I   Impromptu, reactive and spontaneous. I couldn’t help comparing his performance, which relies largely upon interacting with the audience; to the skills we learn when we do Table Topics. I remember how fearful I used to be of them. These days I am a little more philosophical, but it is definitely a skill which one can master through practice. 

My older son, Gareth produces what one would call a ‘thinking man’s comedy’. He has taught me so much when it comes to the preparation of my own speeches. A notebook is always at hand into which he jots ideas and his observations on life.  He works hard at his writing, honing the contents of his comedy to get the perfect punch-lines.  I am reminded of the recent LeaderCon, which we attended in Johannesburg. One of the presenters – I think it was Mark Brown – encouraged us to remember the everyday occurrences and stories of our lives as material for our speeches.

Every time we speak before an audience, whether it is impromptu or prepared, we are performers in our own right.  Let us learn whatever lessons we can along the way in order to make our own dreams come true.

Until next time

Ricky Woods